One Small Change: Part Two

INT. JOSH & CAROLYN'S HOME BATHROOM - SATURDAY MORNING

Josh woke up and groggily made his way into the bathroom, with the intention of having a shave. When he looked in the mirror, he didn’t see himself but the image of his wife.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Agh

(before touching his face and body)

He pinched himself, before leaving the bathroom to check on his wife. The person on the other side of the bed had his body.

JOSH AS CAROLYN

(To Himself)

I can’t go to work like this? Thank god it’s Saturday. Something must have happened. This is a nightmare. 

Josh locates his mobile and rings his best friend Eddie

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Eddie I have a serious problem. Can we meet for brunch. It’s important.

EDDIE: If you’re buying I’m all in.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Say 10:30 at The Grenwich?

EDDIE: See you there

Josh gets a shower and then locates some of Carolyn’s clothes. Slowly and cautiously he puts them on. He chooses a trousers and jumper in order to avoid any wolf whistles. He wants to avoid high heels if possible and eventually finds some flat shoes.

EXT. TABLE OUTSIDE GRENWICH CAFE - SATURDAY MORNING

Josh arrives at the Grenwich in Carolyn’s body. He sits at Eddie’s table

EDDIE: I didn’t think you’d be joining us Carolyn. Where’s Josh?

Josh had been working on an effeminate voice on his way to the café.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: I am Josh (in an effeminate voice)

EDDIE: Ah I see. He’s behind me isn’t he? (turning around)

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Eddie, it’s me (more masculine voice)

EDDIE: Good one Carolyn, and I thought you were the serious type.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: (In Josh’s voice) Eddie something weird happened to me last night. I am Josh.

EDDIE: What have you done? It’s like a total transformation in twenty four hours. How much did that set you back?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: It’s not a sex change Eddie. It’s a curse. It must have been that Guru fella from last night. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know if this is going to last. Am I trapped like this forever?

EDDIE: Well there are pros and cons of having a body like that.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Thanks

The waitress approaches and both Josh and Eddie select their orders.

EDDIE: Does Carolyn know? What happened to Carolyn?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: I’m what happened to Carolyn.

EDDIE: Are there two Carolyn’s? If there are, can I at least have one?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: My body was lying in bed next to me.

EDDIE: So what if Carolyn is in your body?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: I can’t really ask her. How embarrassing would that be?

EDDIE: Maybe you should do it. Like, come on to her and if she backs down, then you’ll know she’s in your body.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: I think there has to be a more practical way than that Eddie. It’s gross. It would be like making love to a twin. Ugh.

EDDIE: Well, if you think of something else, let me know.

INT. JOSH & CAROLYN'S HOME KITCHEN - SATURDAY NIGHT

Later that evening, Josh and Carolyn are having dinner.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: (in feminine voice) You look a little different honey. Is everything ok? Are you alright?

CAROLYN AS JOSH: (in masculine voice) Yeah sure. Why wouldn’t it be?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: No reason

Carolyn continues eating

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Would you like to make another go of having a baby. I think we should. I wouldn’t worry so much about the money situation. We can work things out. Lets say we watch a movie and just do it.

CAROLYN AS JOSH: (with a lack of enthusiasm) Yeah sure, why not?

INT. JOSH & CAROLYN'S HOME BEDROOM - SATURDAY NIGHT

Later that night Josh and Carolyn enter the bedroom.

CAROLYN AS JOSH: So what do you think? Should we do it under the covers or just start getting undressed?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: (Anxiously) Under the covers.

They strip down to their underwear and climb into bed. They are both tentative and awkward.

CAROLYN AS JOSH: How about a good old fashioned snog first?

Josh slowly moves his mouth closer to Carolyn’s and ever so slowly sticks out his tongue. Carolyn is open mouthed but doesn’t move. Eventually their tongues touch.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Ew, Lets just do it

CAROLYN AS JOSH: Ok

They both make body contact but don’t know whether to push each other away or just go through with it.

Quarter of an hour later, they are lying on their backs

CAROLYN AS JOSH: It happened to you too, didn’t it? You’re me and I’m you.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Yes it did

CAROLYN AS JOSH: What are we going to do?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: We’re going to go back to that guru fella that did this to us and ask him to reverse it. There’s nothing else we can do. My life is complicated enough and now I find myself in the body of a woman. What else can go wrong?

CAROLYN AS JOSH: It could be worse. You could be trapped inside the body of a man. I’m sure there are pros and cons.

INT. JOSH & CAROLYN'S HOME KITCHEN - SUNDAY MORNING

On Sunday morning Josh rings Sammy Guru on his mobile

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Hello, Mr Guru

DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: Who is this?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Josh and Carolyn. You gave us a potion on Friday night that made us swap identities

DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: Whatever do you meam?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: You know what I mean. We can’t live like this. Now you’re going to give us an antidote Mr Guru and a full refund. This isn’t what we signed up for?

DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: I’m still confused, sir. What is your complaint?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: You switched our identities

DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: I’m not God sir. How could I possibly do that?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: (frustrated) Rrr. Now look here Mr Guru. You’re going to cancel your next appointment and you’re going to see us as soon as possible.

DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: Don’t worry Josh, you are my next appointment. At the moment, I’m shark fishing in the Bahamas. I won’t be back in the country for ten days.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: (feels like erupting) Ten days? Ten days?

DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: Goodbye Josh. I can feel this one biting.

Sammy hangs up the phone.

INT. JOSH & CAROLYN'S HOME KITCHEN - SUNDAY EVENING

Later that evening Josh and Carolyn are seated around the kitchen table.

CAROLYN AS JOSH: Don’t you think you should take Milo for a walk?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: He’s your dog

CAROLYN AS JOSH: What will the neighbours think if they see me taking him for a walk every night and every morning?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: I can’t stand the dog. He’s big and he’s smelly.

CAROLYN AS JOSH: And you should also wear heels. I always wear heels.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: How am I supposed to walk a dog in heels?

CAROLYN AS JOSH: I do it all the time. I even get wolf whistles

JOSH AS CAROLYN: That’s nothing to be proud of. Mr Geller is eighty two and weighs two hundred and fifty kilos. 

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Well, if I’m walking the dog, you’re putting out the garbage

CAROLYN AS JOSH: Ugh

JOSH AS CAROLYN: What will the neighbours think if they see me taking out the trash every time?

CAROLYN AS JOSH: Well, if I’m taking out the trash, then you’re cooking the dinner, washing up, washing, drying and ironing the clothes and every other thing you don’t normally do.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Doh

INT. COMMITTEE HEARING AT CITY HALL - THREE MONTHS EARLIER (MORNING)

Two Weeks into his suspension Lance Crusoe is called before a committee hearing.

CHAIRPERSON - 62, MOSTLY BALD WITH WHITE HAIR, CAUCASION 

CHAIRPERSON: Detective Crusoe, this is your ninth such hearing in eight years as a police officer. This is a disgraceful record.

DETECTIVE LANCE CRUSOE: Well there were about ten other occasions when the captain wanted to suspend me. I could have at least made it an even dozen

CHAIRPERSON: Mr Crusoe that is enough. We have run out of patience with you. Your record of insubordination is appalling. In the past, you have killed eleven suspects.

DETECTIVE LANCE CRUSOE: I like to call them scumbags

CHAIRPERSON: Your contempt for due process is something I have not encountered in any other police officer until now. We have no other alternative Detective Crusoe. You are finished as a police officer. You will hand in your badge and your gun and you will never work in the force again.

INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT (CAPTAINS OFFICE) - AFTERNOON

Later that day. Detective Crusoe goes to the police department to hand in his badge and gun.

CAPTAIN TARBUCK: I’d like to say I’ll miss you Detective but in your time working for me, I have never come across a more untidy, disobedient and disloyal son of a bitch. You’ve been here for eight years and you have nobody on this force to call you friend. I’m glad to see the back of you Crusoe.

DETECTIVE LANCE CRUSOE: Likewise

CAPTAIN TARBUCK: Why I ought to lock you up for the contempt you show towards your commanding officer. Maybe it’s only a matter of time before you are behind bars. One day you’ll step out of line again and I’ll be there to throw away the key.

DETECTIVE LANCE CRUSOE: In my eight years as a Police Detective, Captain, I have never come across a more lily livered, bureaucratic moron for a commanding officer. You care only for paperwork and protecting the rights of lowlifes who corrupt our city. As long as there are Police Captains like you around, criminals will always win. I am grateful that I won’t ever have to kiss your ass ever again.

CAPTAIN TARBUCK: Get out of my sight

INT. HAIR SALON - MONDAY MORNING

On Monday morning Josh enters the hair salon as Carolyn. He was briefly acquainted with the three other girls who worked there.

BELINDA – Slim, Five foot seven, long red hair, relatively attractive, late thirties

LAVITA- Short hair, five foot three, slightly overweight, Spanish accent, late twenties

HILDA – Short Blonde hair, mid forties, overweight, five foot four

JOSH AS CAROLYN: (In an effeminate voice) Morning girls

All three reply in kind

BELINDA: Are you ok? Your voice sounds a little bit hoarse

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Just a bit of a cold

BELINDA: Well be careful with those germs you little martyr

Antonio, the owner, exits his small office after reading a newspaper.

ANTONIO - Tanned skin, mostly bald, fifties, overweight, Five foot four

ANTONIO: (slaps Josh on the backside) How’s my favorite hairdresser?

Josh is unimpressed

ANTONIO: Flat shoes? Nobody wears flat shoes in my salon except me. Tomorrow I want to see you in heels.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: It’s just that I sprained my ankle

INT. ANTONIO’S OFFICE (HAIR SALON) - MONDAY AFTERNOON

Three hours later Antonio calls Josh into his office.

ANTONIO: Carolyn I can’t have this. You’ve done three haircuts. Each one of them was a disaster. One girl asked for a beehive and you gave her an Afro. I don’t think you could even call it an Afro. It looked vaguely like one and that’s being kind. Nancy is 83 and one of my best customers. She asked for a pixie and you gave her a mohawk. I don’t think she’s ever going to recover from that. We may not see her ever again. I’m giving you eight days off, unpaid of course. I want you to come in here in the middle of next week. Obviously I don’t know if it’s this cold you have or what it is but you were my best hairdresser. If you’re not back on form on Friday, I’ll have to look for someone to replace you. Now Carolyn what do you say to that.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: I guess I have been somewhat under the weather recently. It may be contagious so maybe it is a good idea that I take a break for a while.

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE HAIR SALON - MONDAY AFTERNOON

Josh receives a phone call as soon as he leaves Carolyn’s workplace

ABIGAIL: Hi Carolyn. It’s Abigail Josh told me that you have his phone. That’s a bit weird. Anyway, I was hoping that we could meet for lunch in half an hour at The Brennermans. How does that suit. I have something important to tell you.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Sure, why not. As long as you’re paying.

ABIGAIL: Haha, you’re such a joker Carolyn

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Ok, then, I’ll see you in half an hour

EXT. TABLE OUTSIDE BRENNERMANS PUB - AFTERNOON

Half an Hour later at the Brennermans, Abigail and Josh (as Carolyn are seated at a table.

ABIGAIL: So Carolyn, I love your hair. What did you do to it?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I call it the straight out of bed look.

ABIGAIL: Wow, you’re so amazing

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Well for you Abigail, I’ll reveal all my trade secrets. We have known each other in like forever.

ABIGAIL: Do you like my perfume? It’s the new scent from Dior. It cost an arm and a leg but it’s so good.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: It’s very Dior. Anyway, so Abigail, you said you wanted to discuss something important. Have you got a hot tip for the Kentucky Derby?

ABIGAIL: No, it’s bad news I’m afraid. Remember last week, I told you that I suspected Josh was having an affair with that tramp he works with?

JOSH AS CAROLYN: How could I forget?

ABIGAIL: Yes, well I was walking down Foster’s Avenue when I noticed the two of them having coffee in a café. They were practically on top of each other.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Josh doesn’t even drink coffee

ABIGAIL: Well maybe he pretends to not like coffee

JOSH AS CAROLYN: The louse

ABIGAIL: It could have been a hot chocolate

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Starbucks don’t make good hot chocolate.

ABIGAIL: Aren’t you even a little upset, or a little devastated

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Just a smidge

ABIGAIL: Carolyn, this is the man you have been married to for eight years. You’ve known him for almost twenty years.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: I have to say, I saw it coming. Besides, I think he has a thing for you. I’m sure that if he had a choice between you and that tramp he works with, I’m sure he’d pick you hands down.

ABIGAIL: Oh Carolyn, I would never betray your trust like that. He’s tainted goods in my eyes.

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Well as far as I’m concerned we’re history. He is always talking about that Chanel perfume you always wear.

ABIGAIL: It’s Dior

JOSH AS CAROLYN: Yes, that’s what I keep telling him. Men eh?