One Small Change: Part Six
EXT. PLACIDO’S CAFE - AFTERNOON
Carolyn as Josh meets Abigail for lunch
CAROLYN AS JOSH: So what is this special secret you wanted to reveal to me, Abigail?
ABIGAIL: It’s about Carolyn. I’m sure, she’s cheating on you with Alfred. You know Alfred, the school janitor, tall, slim, attractive.
CAROLYN AS JOSH: Maybe you’re idea of attractive, tall and slim is a five foot seven inch, two hundred pound ogre, if we’re talking about the same guy
ABIGAIL: Trust me, Josh, he’s devastatingly handsome. All the girls swoon over that guy. He makes every Hollywood actor look like Joe Bloggs.
CAROLYN AS JOSH: Well I guess that makes me all cut up, now that Carolyn is cheating on me. How long has it been going on?
ABIGAIL: Months I suspect. I heard they did it in the classroom several times.
CAROLYN AS JOSH: You know what Abigail? I’m not hungry.
ABIGAIL: Oh Josh, can’t you see, she’s cheating on you and the woman of your dreams who really loves you is just sitting right in front of you.
CAROLYN: No offence Abigail, but I think I’ll pass.
ABIGAIL: Don’t you find her the least bit annoying. She has so many bad habits. She even bites her nails. Don’t you want a younger woman with a lot more class
CAROLYN AS JOSH: If you see such a girl, point her out to me.
ABIGAIL: Oh Josh
CAROLYN AS JOSH:Hard as it is, I think I’ll manage to get over Carolyn’s little fling.
INT. BOARDROOM OF SELLARS & CO - AFTERNOON
Meeting with Mr Sellars, Carolyn as Josh, Eddie, Frida, Mr Leroy Calhoun Senior and Mr Leroy Calhoun Junior
MR SELLARS: Mr Calhoun, while I’d like to talk to you about your Texas Ranch forever, we’d better move to the presentation. Josh here, has been working on your accounts and would like to make a presentation.
Carolyn as Josh stands up
CAROLYN AS JOSH: Mr Calhoun we’ve tried to be imaginative in our proposed advertisement segment. We want to encapsulate everything that is good about Calhoun Coffee
Carolyn as Josh turns on the projector
A young boy speaks to his Father
YOUNG BOY: Dad, Ralphie Dickinson, says that I’ll never amount to anything
FATHER: Why son, you can achieve anything if you try hard enough
YOUNG BOY: Dad, I’m going to build a spaceship
Cut to, young boy converts car into a spaceship
YOUNG BOY: Dad, I’m going to try it out. This is going to be the best spaceship ever
Boy turns on remote. Nothing happens
FATHER: I’m proud of you son, but nothing you ever do will be as perfect as a cup of Calhoun Coffee.
The spaceship takes off and crashes into a neighbours garage
YOUNG BOY: Why that’s Ralphie Dickinson’s garage
FATHER: That’s also the family car
MOTHER: Gilbert, what have you been teaching our son?
ORATOR: Nothing else in life is as perfect as Calhoun Coffee
MR SELLARS: Why, it doesn’t even have space in it. What did you think Mr Calhoun?
MR CALHOUN SENIOR: I was kind of hoping for something with dancing pink elephants
MR SELLARS: That is what I said to them but they wouldn’t listen to me.
MR CALHOUN SENIOR: Do you have an alternative?
They watch the second advertisement
MR CALHOUN SENIOR: Frankly, Mr Sellars, I preferred the first one. The second one is too bland. Nobody will remember it.
MR SELLARS: Well Mr Calhoun, I think we could always feature something with Pink Elephants.
MR CALHOUN SENIOR: Why yes, and some singing Polar Bears. I always do like some singing Polar Bears.
MR SELLARS: We could always throw in some juggling giraffes
MR CALHOUN SENIOR: No Mr Sellars, that would be ridiculous
After Mr Calhoun leaves
MR SELLARS: Unsworth, I’ve had enough of your insubordination. I told you, I wanted pink elephants and the first thing the client asks for is pink elephants. You’re fired. Henson, you’re going to take over and if I don’t see a marked improvement your head will be on the block
INT. HAIR SALON - MORNING
Belinda pulls, Carolyn aside.
BELINDA: Honey, you’ve just given the same boring haircut to each woman who arrived in here. What is wrong with you? You used to be good at this?
CAROLYN AS JOSH: I don’t know Belinda. My marriage has been on my mind. I think Josh is cheating on me.
BELINDA: That ogre. Wait till I get my hands on him.
CAROLYN AS JOSH: Maybe I’m wrong but I saw him with that young whippet, Frida
BELINDA: The one with the crooked nose? It couldn’t be.
CAROLYN AS JOSH: It’s bad enough losing Josh but now I’m afraid of losing my job too
BELINDA: I wish I could help you, but I’ve got my hands full.
INT. ANTONIO'S OFFICE (HAIR SALON) - MORNING
Antonio calls Carolyn into his office.
ANTONIO: Close the door.
Carolyn closes the door.
ANTONIO: Carolyn. I don’t know what is going on in your life right now but I can’t run a business like this. Between today and the previous day you were in here, you’ve had eleven customers, all of whom were unsatisfied. If you were to keep this up, I’d lose all my customers.
CAROLYN AS JOSH: Mrs Canell was happy. She was satisfied with her haircut
ANTONIO: We both know that Mrs Canell is half blind and 92 years old. If she ever gets laser surgery we’d be in trouble.
CAROLYN AS JOSH: What about Mrs Rubin. She didn’t complain
ANTONIO: She never complains. She looked like she was about to collapse in shock when she saw herself in the mirror.
Now unless we can come to some sort of arrangement, I’m going to have to let you go.
CAROLYN AS JOSH: What kind of arrangement?
Antonio stood up from his desk and approached Carolyn who had remained standing.
ANTONIO: A me and you kind of arrangement
CAROLYN AS JOSH: I’m married Mr Vicario. How about, I come back in here on Monday a new woman, and we start over. It’s just that I’m preoccupied with Josh and we’ve been going through a difficult time.
ANTONIO: Well let me put all your troubles to one side.
He grabs Carolyn on the backside
CAROLYN AS JOSH: How about, you stuff your job and I report you to the police. (before kneeing him in the groin)
Antonio bends over in pain and Carolyn still struggling to handle her high heels storms out of the office and out of the salon.
INT. JOSH & CAROLYN'S HOME KITCHEN
Later that evening, Carolyn as Josh arrives in the door
JOSH AS CAROLYN: How was work honey?
CAROLYN AS JOSH: Oh, you know same old same old.
JOSH AS CAROLYN: You got fired, didn’t you?
CAROLYN AS JOSH: In a manner of speaking, and you
JOSH AS CAROLYN: Well at least I have some leverage. I don’t think Antonio will be quite so forward in the future.
CAROLYN AS JOSH: I know we’re early, but how about we pay our marriage counsellor a visit?
JOSH AS CAROLYN: No disrespect but the sooner I get out of this body, the better.
I/E. OUTSIDE SAMMY GURU’S OFFICES - EVENING
Josh and Carolyn arrive at Sammy Guru’s offices but they look to be abandoned
Josh as Carolyn picks up the phone and calls Mr Guru
After ten rings, Mr Guru finally answers
JOSH AS CAROLYN: Mr Guru this is Josh Unsworth here. You made us change bodies and we would like to change back immediately.
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: I’m afraid that this is not possible. I’m currently laid up in hospital. I got into a fight with a shark. You should see the shark.
JOSH AS CAROLYN: Mr Guru, we have to see you. Which hospital are you in.
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: I’m afraid I won’t be able to return to work for at least two months.
JOSH AS CAROLYN: Well, can you at least tell us where we can get the potion?
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: I’m afraid that this is not possible for at least two months until I recover fully, from my injuries
JOSH AS CAROLYN: Mr Guru you have turned our world upside down.
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: Please hold
Indian music starts to play on the phone. After nearly a minute, Sammy Guru answers the phone again
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: I’m afraid I have to go Mr Unsworth. I will talk to you in two months time. Best of luck
JOSH AS CAROLYN: Mr Guru…
Mr Guru hangs up the phone.
CAROLYN AS JOSH: What are we going to do now.
Josh drives the car out of the parking lot but after driving for another two minutes notices a hospital. He enters the Hospital car park
INT. GALMORE HOSPITAL RECEPTION AREA - EVENING
Carolyn and Josh approach the hospital reception
CAROLYN AS JOSH: There is an old friend of the family here. He’s recovering from shark bite. Do you know which ward he is in?
RECEPTIONIST: You do know that visiting hours close in less than fifteen minutes?
CAROLYN AS JOSH: Well we aim to be as quick as possible. Otherwise we’d love to strangle him
RECEPTIONIST: Oh
CAROLYN AS JOSH: It was a joke
RECEPTIONIST: Mr Guru is in ward 15 on the west wing. He really is such a wonderful man. He helped rescue my marriage
INT WARD 15 GALMORE HOSPITAL - EVENING
Carolyn and Josh greet Mr Guru. His left leg is in a cast and elevated. He also has bruising and bandages on his face
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: I see, that you have tracked me down. I was hoping to get some rest
JOSH AS CAROLYN: Mr Guru, we really need that potion. We don’t want to be stuck in the same bodies any longer.
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: How have you been? Do you still hate each other to death?
JOSH AS CAROLYN: We never hated each other Mr Guru
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: It was a figure of speech Mr Unsworth or should I say, Mrs Unsworth. How do you feel about your marriage?
JOSH AS CAROLYN: I guess I could have been more honest about some of the stuff I was going through. I only really divulged the bad stuff, the last time we met, but there was a lot of good stuff too. I think if we are to make our marriage work, if any marriage is to work, sacrifices will have to be made, whether that is walking the dog in heels and being wolf whistled at, or putting up with being called Bronco billy or missing an important football match. I also learned that being a hairdresser isn’t as easy as I thought. I love and believe in my wife more than I ever have.
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: And you Carolyn?
CAROLYN AS JOSH: There will always be times I will want to ring his neck. He went to Hooters six times and he did it with Marlene Throtall. Can you believe that? If he thinks,he has heard the last of Marlene Throtall he’s mistaken. But yes, Mr Guru, I do appreciate him more, even though we are likely to be broke and virtually homeless.
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: I am sorry to hear that. I was hoping you would pay my fee. These hospital bills can get out of hand. However I do have some good news
CAROLYN AS JOSH: Yes?
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: Once I had an unhappy customer. He was a six foot seven professional wrestler and because of that I keep a secret stash in the locker beside my bed.
Josh (as Carolyn) moves towards the locker and opens it
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: I should warn you. There are potential side effects from taking the drug too early. They are too numerous to mention. If you wait until tomorrow night the likelihood of side effects is reduced by up to forty percent
JOSH AS CAROLYN: At this moment I couldn’t care less about side effects. No offence but I’d rather have tufts of hair growing out of my ears than to have to wear high heels for another second.
Josh removes the potion from the cabinet
CAROLYN AS JOSH: What sort of side effects are we talking about
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: Perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned them. I wouldn’t want to scare you.
JOSH AS CAROLYN: Come on honey let’s drink up.
They both take the potion but nothing happens.
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: In the morning if everything goes well, you will wake up in your own bodies. I’d say your chances are still better than most. About 62%
CAROLYN AS JOSH: What happens to the other 22%
JOSH AS CAROLYN: 38% honey
CAROLYN AS JOSH: Oh well. You know me and numbers.
DOCTOR SAMMY GURU: Trust me. You don’t want to know.
INT. JOSH & CAROLYN'S HOME KITCHEN - NIGHT
Josh and Carolyn arrive home
Ten minutes later Lance Crusoe arrives at their door with a briefcase.
FORMER DETECTIVE LANCE CRUSOE: May I come in
JOSH AS CAROLYN: Yes of course
The three of them sit around the Kitchen Table
FORMER DETECTIVE LANCE CRUSOE: I just want to hand deliver my final bill
He removes a letter from his jacket and places it on the table
CAROLYN AS JOSH: Just how much is it?
FORMER DETECTIVE LANCE CRUSOE: Mainly expenses. Bullets, $9.99 at Q-Mart. Fuel 89 bucks, 3 big mac meals. That’s about it. The total is almost $120 so I rounded it up.
Carolyn and Josh breathe a sigh of relief
Lance then places a brief case on the kitchen table
DETECTIVE LANCE CRUSOE: This here is your bounty. I spoke to Carlo’s accountant. He was a bit tied up at the time. He reckons, you paid him $156,000 down the years, so it’s all here in this brief case less my $120 in expenses
CAROLYN AS JOSH: I don’t know what to say Mr Crusoe
FORMER DETECTIVE LANCE CRUSOE: Don’t worry Miss, there was a lot more that Carlo left lying around
JOSH AS CAROLYN: Are you planning on retiring with your portion Mr Crusoe?
FORMER DETECTIVE LANCE CRUSOE: No, Mr Unsworth. I gave it to a local orphanage that was dear to my Mothers heart. I also put down a deposit on an F16 Fighter Jet. Lance Crusoe will never retire. He’s just getting started.
INT. JOSH & CAROLYN'S HOME BEDROOM - MORNING
Carolyn and Josh wake up the following morning.
Josh goes to the mirror and sees that he is back in his own body with no obvious side effects.
Carolyn is still in bed but awake
JOSH: Is that you honey? Are you all there?
CAROLYN: I’m more than all here Josh? I’m pregnant.
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE JOSH & CAROLYN’S HOME - MORNING
The narrator (old man) is standing outside the apartment building beside a slightly younger woman
Old woman: 58, Grey hair, one stone overweight, happy, blue eyes, five feet four inches tall, wearing a blue and red floral dress with brown tights and white shoes.
NARRATOR: Sometimes all it takes is to plant yourself in the other persons shoes for just a little while. If you can fight through the storm of adversity you can then enjoy the light, warm breeze of good fortune that comes after it. Meet Gladys, wife number four. The apple of my eye. Long may it last.
He kisses her on the cheek.