Awoken By A Ghost: Part Eight

EXT. STREET NEAR ARNOLDS APARTMENT

As he exits the building Arnold notices Detective Legowski sound asleep in his unmarked police car holding his favourite teddy bear. Arnold walks two hundred yards down the street when he sees a man dressed in robes

MAN DRESSED IN MONKS ROBES: Bless you my brother. The Kingdom of God is within you.

Arnold doesn’t stop. Suddenly out of nowhere comes a woman holding two water balloons.

ANGRY WOMAN: Die Barnabus die

She throws both balloons at Arnold. The accountant ducks and they both hit the preacher. The man in the robes is initially frustrated, before replying 

MAN DRESSED IN MONKS ROBES: Peace be with you my brothers and sisters

ARNOLD: I’m not Barnabus

ANGRY WOMAN: Yeah. That’s what they all say.

ANDREA: You can’t run away. They will track you down and kill you. It’s pointless. There is no escape. If you find out who my killer is then maybe you have a chance of surviving. Mr Big will see that you’re not the assassin he thinks you are and Legowski might also see things differently.

ARNOLD: I don’t think Legowski will ever see anything differently.

ANDREA: Ok you're right, but it would still improve your situation if Bigsy is off your back.

Arnold ignores her and keeps walking.

ANDREA: Arnold, I know I wasn’t always good to you. I was a bit selfish with ordering expensive champagne and pushing you to help me find my killer. I get that you deserve better Arnold, but running away won’t solve anything. You’re likely to be hunted down. You have got friends Arnold, who you overlook. Nobody gets the perfect life. I know it sounds selfish on my part, but you have to confront your demons. You don’t have to be a chicken all your life. Show some balls. Maybe being a goody two shoes isn’t good enough. Maybe at some point you have to break through that glass ceiling and do something spectacular. I’ll be here with you every step of the way.

Arnold starts to slow down as he thinks about it.

ARNOLD: Glass ceiling eh?

ANDREA: Yeah, I got it from a fortune cookie

ARNOLD: Oh alright, but you owe me. I want a spectacular reward for a spectacular deed.

ANDREA: What exactly are you looking for? If you want to save money on your heating bills I know just the guy. Say Arnold, the night is young. How about I give you some tips and we go to a nightclub. You could put all your troubles behind you for an hour or two.

ARNOLD: Where do you suggest we go?

ANDREA: How about the Alhambra? The music isn’t too loud and there’s an area where people can talk to each other while taking in the music.

INT. ALHAMBRA NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT

When Arnold arrives outside the Alhambra, it is 3:25am. There are more people leaving the establishment than going in. Once inside Arnold can see that the large dancefloor is sparsely populated. Arnold notices two gorgeous ladies disco dancing. Arnold starts to show them his best dance moves

ANDREA: Arnold, what are you doing? You look like a nineteenth century robot. Besides, these two women are out of your league. And you don’t even have a wingman.

ARNOLD: Who is in my league?

Andrea points her finger in the direction of two other women dancing opposite each other.

OVERWEIGHT DANCER: 25, five feet eight inches, five stone overweight, medium length brown hair, wearing a long blue summer dress with floral patterns

DANCER WITH SHORT HAIR: 29, Tightly cropped hair, wearing a beige t-shirt with no sleeves, a military style trousers and heels, not particularly attractive, with brown eyes and glasses.

ANDREA: Well, Arnold, you’ve got to start somewhere. Maybe they’ve got similar interests to you. Maybe one of those girls is your soul mate. And remember smoother movements. Don’t be so jerky and don’t flail those elbows.

Arnold starts to calmly move closer to the girls in question, but the girl with the short haircut who had her back to him moves around to block him off. This happens four times, before Arnold manages to squeeze in between both women. Both of whom ignore him. 

ARNOLD: This is a great spot (to overweight girl)

Again they ignore him. The girl with the military haircut stands on Arnold’s foot with the stub of her heel. Arnold grimaces in pain. He limps off the dance floor, buys himself a drink and sits at the bar. As he sips on his ginger ale, he notices a young woman on her own about two seats away. 

ANDREA: Say Arnold, maybe you should chat her up?

ARNOLD: (Turning his head towards Andrea) I think I can handle this one on my own. 

(Turning his head back towards the woman)

So what is a beautiful woman like you doing all by yourself in a club like this at 4am in the morning?

FELICIA -Medium length Dark Hair, slim, twenty seven years old, Five foot seven, pale skin, blue eyes, attractive

FELICIA: Oh don’t worry, my six foot ten boyfriend will be along any minute. He’s got anger management issues and today of all days he’s quite temperamental. His favourite football team lost again and his favourite pet hamster died.

ARNOLD: Sorry.

FELICIA: I’m just fucking with you.

ARNOLD: I wasn’t that frightened, really. It’s ok.

FELICIA: Well, all the colour did drain from your face for a while.

ARNOLD: So why are you all alone?

FELICIA: I came with two friends. One of them over there is snogging that punk rocker with the green Mohican for the past two hours. The other one is in the bathroom shagging the barman - the other barman who is supposed to be working. I guess that’s all part of the service.

ARNOLD: So what do you do for a living? 

FELICIA: I’m a vampire hunter by night and a globe trotting archaeologist by day. What do you do?

ARNOLD: I’m an accountant.

FELICIA: Well that explains a lot.

ARNOLD: You don’t like accountants?

FELICIA: Well in my line of work there isn’t much of a financial reward, so they are somewhere down there on the pecking order.

ARNOLD: And who’s at the top?

FELICIA: A woman doesn’t reveal all her secrets.

ARNOLD: So, are there any vampires in this establishment?

FELICIA: Vampires can be very deceptive you know. The most timid and harmless looking individuals could turn out to be vampires, such as yourself. I’d say that guy over there with the buckled teeth and woman’s panties on his head over there is a dead certainty.

ARNOLD: Have you been to many exotic places as an archaeologist?

FELICIA: I’ve been to Delaware. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.

ARNOLD: Arnold.

FELICIA: Well Arnold, would you like to go some place and just get it on?

ARNOLD: Where would we go? 

FELICIA: Spoken like a true accountant. Let me guess. In the toilet you’d feel too self conscious. In the park you’d be afraid of catching a cold and on this bar top you’d be afraid of being arrested.

ARNOLD: Well we could go to a hotel but I’m in a tight spot financially at the moment.

ANDREA: Oh Arnold

FELICIA: Spoken like a true accountant.

ARNOLD: It’s just that I really don’t know you. You could be an axe murderer or something.

FELICIA: Likewise

ARNOLD: Well how about my place?

FELICIA: Forget it, the moment is gone. You really know how to make a woman feel desired Arnold.

EXT. STREET NEAR ARNOLDS APARTMENT - NIGHT

The accountant is a hundred yards from his apartment block when he spots the same bald man, wearing a beige jacket walking towards him. 

ATTACKER WITH BALD HEAD: You’re coming with us, Palmer

Three other men also close in around Arnold

Arnold runs across the street. They chase him. After running for three hundred yards, he turns to face them. Arnold punches the first man successfully on the chin and kicks the legs of another man from beneath him so that he falls to the ground. 

ANDREA: Very impressive

ARNOLD: Yeah, but I’m knackered

Eventually the men surrounded him.

INT. CONFINED ROOM IN OLD SCHOOL BUILDIING - DAY

Arnold wakes up to find himself in a small room with a hood over his face. His hands and legs are bound with rope. 

ANDREA: I’m sorry Arnold, these men intend to kill you. I put you in this position. I thought you’d be alright, as if everything works out in the end, but I was wrong. If you had never met me you wouldn’t be in this position. You deserve more than that. I hope you get through this somehow Arnold. 

ARNOLD: I hope you’re not going to get all sentimental on me now. I couldn’t handle that. What happened to Fire Guy?

ANDREA: He was a bit upset that you wouldn’t let him burn anything. Do you want him to set these guys alight? He might be able to help if you do?

ARNOLD: No, I guess not. It’s too extreme. Even for these guys.

INT. ARNOLDS APARTMENT - EVENING

Roland Erickson knocks on the door of Arnold Palmer’s apartment. 

FREDERICK: Beat it, kid

Roland knocks again. Frederick opens the door with an angry look on his face. 

FREDERICK: This is the fourth time this week, kid. I’m running out of patience. The guy doesn’t want to play with you anymore. He’s not here. You’re just a total loser. He said so himself. Nobody wants to play with losers. Go off and play by yourself and don’t come back.

Roland tries to peer inside the apartment to see if Arnold is inside. 

FREDERICK: He’s not here. Now go home.

INT. ROLANDS BEDROOM - NIGHT

Later that night Roland finds it hard to sleep. In the middle of the night he hears a commotion on the street. He peers out his window and sees some men attacking someone. The guy looks like Mr Arnold but Roland isn’t sure. He sees the victim being bundled into the back of a van. 

INT. POLICE STATION - MORNING

The next morning, Roland goes to the police station. He approaches the officer behind the desk. 

POLICEMAN BEHIND DESK: Mostly bald, with some brown hair at the side, 42, Five Feet 11 inches tall, wearing a police uniform, with blue eyes and a slim physique. 

ROLAND: I’d like to report an abduction

POLICEMAN BEHIND DESK: Shouldn’t you be in school kid?

ROLAND: This could be a matter of life and death

POLICEMAN BEHIND DESK: Look kid, if I don’t get my breakfast it would be a matter of life and death. 

(He holds up peanut and jam sandwich)

Abductions happen all the time. Next thing you know, your friend will be released with a few bruises here and there and life will go on. 

ROLAND: Aren’t you supposed to do your job.

POLICEMAN BEHIND DESK: Kid, this isn’t the movies. I’m not Magnum PI. Now I’m hungry. In a few hours we’ll get a call from your mother saying you’re not at school and she’s worried about you. I suggest you go to school because we wouldn’t want that to happen. That would just be a waste of police resources just like this is.

ROLAND: But..

POLICEMAN BEHIND DESK: No buts, kid. Now go to school.

INT. OLD ABANDONNED SCHOOL - DAY

Arnold feels groggy from the drugs he was injected with. A bag is still over his head but allows him enough space to breathe. He is seated, bound to a chair, having been moved from one small room to a much larger room

DEXTER CAMPBELL- Almost six feet tall/short cropped dark hair /dour facial expression/dark brown eyes/pale skin/thirty years old.

DEXTER CAMPBELL: Are you awake, Mr Palmer?

ARNOLD: Who are you?

DEXTER CAMPBELL: I’m you’re worst nightmare Mr Palmer. My name is Dexter Campbell. You may have heard of me.

ARNOLD: I can’t say I have. 

DEXTER CAMPBELL: In 1954, my great grandfather was a wealthy businessman. He was a millionaire at a time when millionaires were rare in this world. My great grandfather spent decades building up a weapons empire and then in 1954 it all changed. A reporter ran a story that alleged my relative had gotten to where he was because he had bribed numerous politicians to win government contracts. Because of this reporter, Winstead Campbell was thrown in jail for twenty years and our family was stripped of it’s wealth. My great grandfather was a broken man. His son had to start from scratch. Charles Campbell worked his way up from the poverty line to re-establish the family business. He swore vengeance on the reporter and his family for having destroyed Winstead and for having virtually made our family homeless. I now have assumed that mantle. I will not rest until the reporter and his family have been avenged. The reporter’s name was James Palmer. He was your great grandfather. You may not realise it Palmer, but we have tormented you and your family for years. Your Father has been prescribed drugs by a psychiatrist but instead of helping him they are designed to make him more and more paranoid. In truth there is next to nothing wrong with him, but that’s not what you think Palmer now is it? Even your own life, has been toyed with. We have sent multiple insulting messages to your workmates and to friends and potential friends and girlfriends. These messages look like they’re coming from you but in truth they aren’t. You didn’t even notice. You didn’t have a clue. You think that you are just unlucky. Maybe so, but much of it is down to us Palmer. We have tracked your movements, listened into conversations, captured your most embarrassing moments and today, the journey ends here. Today, the Palmer family will receive the final nail in their coffin. There will be no grandchildren for your parents to dote over. It all ends here.

ARNOLD: Do I get a phone call?

DEXTER CAMPBELL: Remove his hood

Arnold can see the kidnapper in front of him

In the same room are the same four men who had captured him. Arnold is strapped down to a chair that appears to be in what looks like an abandonned science lab. 

DEXTER CAMPBELL: Do you see this suit I’m wearing Palmer? It’s an Armani. This suit alone costs twenty times more than any of the rags you wear. This suit highlights the difference between me and you, between my family and yours, between winners an losers. Your Great Grandfather tore us down so many years ago but we have risen from the ashes and you just symbolise mediocrity. I and my family are worth millions and you can’t even afford a hotel room. We also know Palmer that you talk to yourself a lot. You think you can see the ghost of Andrea Fiddlestone. You think you can talk to her. You are pathetic. And you lecture your Father about thinking strange thoughts. You are the crazy one in your family.

As he said this a small granite rock fell from the sink he was leaning against onto his Gucci shoes. Dexter Campbell grimaced as it happened. 

DEXTER CAMPBELL: Ghosts aren’t real Mr Campbell. You are completely and totally delusional. You are in this state because you are completely delusional.

ARNOLD: Millie, are you there? Now would be a good time to reveal yourself.

ANDREA: She doesn’t want to help you. She’s also quite shy and doesn’t want anything to do with these nasty men.

DEXTER CAMPBELL: I don’t know what exactly you’re on Palmer but we’ll soon clear up that problem. This is it Palmer. You have no friends. Detective Legowski is a moron who couldn’t solve the most straightforward case. Nobody is going to ride to your rescue. Nobody cares whether you live or whether you die.

There is a knock on the door. The abductors remain silent. The person at the door keeps knocking. One of the henchmen answers the door. 

DC’S HENCHMAN NO 2: There’s nobody here, now go away.

The man on the other side of the door bursts in, wielding a baseball bat. 

MAN DRESSED IN MONKS ROBES: Nobody gets hurt if you let the brother go

The kidnappers are a little afraid

DC’S HENCHMAN NO 3: That’s a rubber bat. That’s not going to hurt anyone?

MAN DRESSED IN MONKS ROBES: Oh yeah? Take this

The religious man whacks the henchman on the head with the rubber bat

The villain is unaffected and punches the man of god on the chin. In a matter of minutes the priest is bound and placed on a chair beside Arnold.

There is another knock on the door. The same henchman went to answer it immediately. A teenage African American barged past him and held out his fists.

ROLAND: Leave my friend go or else

DEXTER CAMPBELL: Or else, what short fry?

The strongest of the henchman contains Roland and binds him to a chair. 

ANDREA: How about I go get Lorazar and burn these guys to Kingdom come

ARNOLD: No

ANDREA: Don’t you think there is a time for being noble and a time for justice?

DEXTER CAMPBELL: I’m going to take my time. First, Palmer you are going to watch your friends die before I get to you.

ROLAND: I’m sorry Mr P

ARNOLD: You shouldn’t have risked your life to save mine, Roland. I’m not worth it.

ROLAND: Mr Arnold, you’re the best friend I ever had, after my dog Pete and Al Jameson and ….” 

Dexter Campbell produces a syringe. He tests it to confirm that it is fully operational, and then approaches Roland.

DEXTER CAMPBELL: This drug works by attacking all of the internal organs. It slowly dissolves them from the inside. Do you have any last requests Palmer before you watch your friend die?

ARNOLD: Aim low

DEXTER CAMPBELL: Whatever does that mean, Palmer?

ARNOLD: Andrea?

DEXTER CAMPBELL: A complete psycho until the end

Dexter Campbell leans over Roland with the needle in his right hand

This won’t hurt very much, at least for starters.

Mr Campbell receives an incredible amount of heat to his backside. The flame burns through his Armani suit trousers. In a matter of seconds all five men suffer the same experience and writhe on the ground in agony. 

ARNOLD: (Upon realising that all three captives were still bound to their charirs)

You should have called the police, Roland

ROLAND: They wouldn’t help, so I called the Feds instead.

ARNOLD: Roland, you’re the best friend a guy could have after my pet Budgie Cleo and Luke Waterman.

The sound of a dozen sirens can be heard in the distance. 

EXT. STREET NEAR ARNOLDS APARTMENT - NIGHT

After a couple of hours of providing evidence, Arnold walks home. Arnold is less than two hundred yards from his apartment block when Detective Legowski approaches. 

DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: You haven’t heard the last of me Palmer, I’ll follow you around like a bad smell. One day Palmer, one day you’ll make a mistake and I’ll be right there watching you. You may fool everyone Palmer but you don’t fool me.

ARNOLD: Detective Legowski, did I ever tell you that everything in life can relate to fishing. If you keep focusing on one small fish, you might let the bigger and fatter ones get away.

DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: You know I don’t talk French Palmer so stop trying to pull the wool from over my eyes. One day Palmer one day.

EXT. ANDREA’S GRAVESIDE - MORNING

On Saturday morning Arnold goes to visit Andrea’s graveside in her home town. 

ARNOLD: Andrea, Andrea, are you there?” 

There is no response. A stranger, an older man in his sixties, who is finished praying at a nearby graveside, approaches Arnold.

OLD MAN 2- White hair, 82, walks with a walking stick, thin, hunched over, friendly, Six feet tall

OLD MAN 2: Don’t worry son there’s no shame in talking to her. She probably likes it.

The man then walks away and Arnold continues looking downwards at the grave. Andrea appears

ANDREA: I haven’t got much time, Arnold. What do you want?

ARNOLD: What happened to you?

ANDREA: I got wings. I won’t see you again for like forever.

ARNOLD: I’ll miss you Fiddlestone. I’d like to say I learned something from our journey. All I’ve learned is that if a ghost tries to contact you, pretend she’s not there. And don’t pick a fight with a dwarf. It certainly hasn’t been dull.

ANDREA:Don’t give up hope, Arnold. I’m sure there is someone out there for you and now that Dexter Campbell is out of the picture, your prospects are likely to improve. You should just relax more and don’t always aim for the moon and the stars. You may never reach them.

ARNOLD: I hope I don’t see you again Andrea in a good way.

ANDREA: Don’t cry now, you big baby.

ARNOLD: I’m not crying

(with a sniffle)

ANDREA: I have to go now Arnold. Thanks for being you.

Andrea disappears. For a moment Arnold stares down at the grave. The accountant turns around and starts to walk back towards the entrance. As he walks back he notices the young woman from the Alhambra. 

ARNOLD: Hey, what are you doing here?

FELICIA: I’m Andrea’s cousin, Felicia, I saw in the paper how you were involved in finding her killer.

ARNOLD: Well at least I know, you’re no axe murderer now.

Felicea had been holding a small axe behind her back and she flung it at a nearby tree. 

FELICIA: Well I guess it’s time for me to bury the hatchet

ARNOLD: Would you like to talk over a cup of coffee? I know I’m not much of a ..

FELICIA: Arnold, don’t ruin it 

She puts a finger to his lips and maintains eye contact

FELICIA: Sometimes less is more.

They come closer and they kiss.