Awoken By A Ghost (Part Four)
INT. LOCAL SUPERMARKET - DAY
Arnold is shopping at lunch time, when he notices the Phantom Killer. He is inside the store and pointing a gun at Arnold through his jacket.
PHANTOM KILLER/ORMANDO: Move it
(Gesturing for him to move out of the store)
Arnold puts back his groceries and walks out of the store. He notices Detective Legowski sitting in an unmarked police car closeby. Arnold knocks on the window of his police vehicle. Detective Legowski raises his hand to his head to conceal his identity but then rolls down the window.
ARNOLD: Detective Legowski, would you like to join us for lunch. Edson, here is buying. He’s very generous. We were thinking of having lunch in the Hilton, just up the street.
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: His name isn’t Edson. It’s Ormando. He’s my next door neighbour. We’ve known each other for years though we haven’t had many conversations together. You know how it is working police hours.
ARNOLD: Well Legowski, there’s no better time than now and Ormando is paying for it after all.
Legowski got out of his car and the three men strode up the street in the direction of the Hilton hotel.
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: How well do you two know each other?
ARNOLD: Ormando, would probably kill me if I told you.
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: Seriously. Off the record how do you two know each other?”
ARNOLD: Go ahead Ormando, you spill the beans.
(slapping Ormando on the back)
ORMANDO: It’s kind of a long story,
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: Humour me.
ORMANDO: I wouldn’t want to bore you.
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: Well Ormy, the Hilton eh? You really know how to make a guy feel important. Here is me thinking everyone else has it better than me and then you offer to take out two guys who are not your closest friends for lunch in the Hilton. I have to say that that’s commendable. If you were a police rookie I’d be recommending you for promotion. The world needs more guys like you.
INT. HILTON RESTAURANT - DAY
Arnold, Detective Legowski and Ormando sit down to some lunch in the dining area of the Hilton Hotel, the conversation starts again.
ARNOLD: Thanks Ormy, this fillet steak is perfect.
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: Yes, Ormy, I know I shouldn’t have ordered a glass of wine but this Dom perignon is irresistible. The caviar is excellent too. I’ve never had it before. It’s not often I get to eat like James Bond. Thanks so much. I know my wife has her doubts about you but I will give her my highest recommendation where you are concerned. I feel bad that you just ordered a toasted special and a glass of water.
Palmer here is a prime suspect in a number of murders. I feel its like I’m Al Pacino and he’s Robert DeNiro and I’m going I’m going to take you down, because I will Palmer. You won’t be able to look over your shoulder without me being there. Except when I’m off duty or eating lunch, but you know what I mean. I will take you down if it’s the last thing I do. Now what do you have to say Palmer?
ARNOLD: I’m innocent. Doesn’t Ormy here fit the description I gave you of the Phantom Killer.
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: You won’t pull the wool over my eyes Palmer. Ormy, here bought lunch. I’m an excellent judge of character. I’ve been around the block. You can’t fool me. Like I told you before, I have a super sense for criminality. I can sense it before anyone else does.
(In the background, two masked men hold up the cashier)
I see things before everyone else sees them. Nothing escapes my attention. Nothing gets past me.
ARNOLD: What if I told you that Ormy is carrying a gun on him and prior to us going out to lunch he was planning on murdering me?
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: Good one Palmer. I’m practically canonising Ormy for sainthood and you’re trying to pull a fast one by telling me he’s the Phantom Killer and carrying a gun.
ARNOLD: Anyway I must get back to work. I’ll leave you two chums to catch up on old times.
INT. Hudson Hotel - NIGHT
Arnold is sitting at the bar of the Hudson Hotel after attending Douglas Huttlechip’s birthday party. All of Arnold’s colleagues have departed.
ANDREA: If you help me I can help you.
ARNOLD: Help me with what?
ANDREA: See that girl at the end of the bar? I could get you to woo her.
Sitting at the end of the bar is a gorgeous looking young woman around his age. Blonde, physically fit, a perfect tan.
ARNOLD: But she’s gorgeous.
ANDREA: Just do as I say. If you listen to me I can help you seduce her.
Arnold approaches the attractive woman
ARNOLD: May I buy you a drink?
BETHANY: I’ll have a bottle of your finest champagne.
ARNOLD: I’ll have a Martini on the rocks, shaken not stirred.
(He says to the bartender who looks at him like he’s a total twat)
ARNOLD: I’ve just had a great day. I work for the FBI and today I just took down a notorious mobster.
BETHANY: Well I do like a guy with a big gun
ARNOLD: What’s your name doll?
BETHANY: Bethany
ARNOLD: You can call me Arnold, James Arnold.
BETHANY: The crowd you were with didn’t strike me as working for the FBI.
ARNOLD: Well we do work undercover. If you thought we were FBI agents we would probably be dead already.
The bartender places both drinks on the table
BARTENDER: That’ll be three hundred and ninety eight dollars.
ARNOLD: My job takes me all over the world. I’ve had to work in the Bahamas, Europe, Dubai, even Delaware.
BETHANY: Are you sure you’re not in the CIA? I thought the FBI only operated domestically.
ARNOLD: That’s an image we like to project. Keep the public guessing. We have eyes and ears all over the world. If the public knows what we’re doing, then we’re in trouble. Take this pen for example. To the naked eye, it’s just a pen but to us it has an embedded listening device and camera. I could show you some of my injures. I jumped off a six story building onto a moving truck in Mokochangcang. I broke both ankles but managed to escape capture.
BETHANY: I’ve never heard of that place. Where is it?
ARNOLD: Like I said, it’s top secret. I’m not supposed to tell anyone. The enemy isn’t supposed to know I was there. I also have a fleshwound in my arm from a gun battle in Congobongo and a scar on my back when a General in a communist army from Pintosquinto tried to torture me.
BETHANY: Well I guess I did only get a C in geography.
ARNOLD: Have you been to many exotic places?
BETHANY: Just on my boyfriend’s yacht. We haven’t been dating very long. Just a week
ARNOLD: Do you think I would know who your boyfriend is?
BETHANY: You may have heard of him. He calls himself Mr Big.
Mr Big’s out of town at the moment. Say would you like to go back to my room at the hotel and finish this bottle of champagne? It is Dom perignon after all.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - MORNING
When Arnold wakes up the following morning in the hotel room, he notices that Bethany isn’t there and his wallet is gone.
ANDREA: She cleaned you out, huh? So, now that I’ve satisfied my end of the bargain, it’s time that you started helping me to catch my killer.
ARNOLD: Your killer is the serial killer, the Phantom killer.
ANDREA: How do you explain the ring and the red ribbon?
ARNOLD: I can’t help but feel I’m getting a raw deal here.
ANDREA: You had your night of fun with the woman of your dreams. I fulfilled my end of the bargain.
ARNOLD: With the benefit of hindsight it was more like a nightmare.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - MORNING
Arnold is about to leave the hotel, when a receptionist calls him over.
HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: Mr Palmer, Miss Clyde informed us that you were intending to pay for the room. She left a form of your identification with us. It’s your Drivers Licence. How would you like to pay?
ARNOLD: Em, I would like to pay but Miss Clyde stole my wallet.
HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: Mr Palmer we get that excuse all the time.
ARNOLD
Well I can just give you my details and I will pay you when I can.
HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: That won’t work Mr Palmer. Fortunately for you, our Kitchen Assistant didn’t turn up for work today. If you replace him just for today, we will knock $120 off your bill and give you a week to pay the balance.
ARNOLD: Just how much is the balance?
HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: $2,137 and 16 cents.
ARNOLD: What happens if I don’t want to work in the Kitchen?
HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: Then we will be forced to take the matter up with the police.
ARNOLD: OK, I’ll do it.
INT. OUTSIDE HOTEL - EVENING
As Arnold left the hotel after an eight hour shift the same woman with a lemon meringue pie ran up and threw it at him.
ANGRY WOMAN: Take that Barnabus
Arnold ducks and avoids the projectile, but the priest is not so lucky.
MAN DRESSED IN MONKS ROBES: Peace be with you brothers and sisters
ARNOLD: I’m not Barnabus
ANGRY WOMAN: That’s what you always say
INT. ARNOLDS APARTMENT - EVENING
Arnold finishes his meal and there is a knock on the apartment door.
ROLAND: Mr Arnold, would you like to play some basketball
ARNOLD: How did you find me?
ROLAND
Everyone knows where you live, Mr Arnold.
ARNOLD: Ok lets go Roland
EXT. BASKETBALL COURT - NIGHT
Arnold and Roland are playing basketball. A teenager who looks to be nineteen years old and well over six feet tall approaches Roland.
TEENAGE BULLY: Give me the ball pipsqueak
ROLAND: No
The bully attempts to wrestle the ball from Roland grasp and starts to hit the young fourteen year old. Arnold is reluctant to interfere due to the size of the tormentor. After several seconds Arnold rams into the nineteen year old with minimal impact.
Roland is still resisting. The six foot five teenager, hits Arnold on the chin with his knee. Arnold grabd onto the bully’s trousers and pulls them down. His pink underwear is revealed to his embarrassment. Arnold then takes out his camera phone and starts to video the teenager
The teenager proceeds to pull up his trousers and chase after Arnold and his cameraphone. Eventually the bully stops chasing him due to fatigue.
TEENAGE BULLY: Assholes. You’re dead, next time I see you.
(as he walks off)
ARNOLD: If you bully this boy again, I’ll ensure that this video gets seen by thousands of people on youtube.
ROLAND: Well done, Mr Arnold. We showed him.
Roland and his adult friend resumed their game.
INT. POLICE CAR OUTSIDE ARNOLDS APARTMENT - NIGHT
Detective Legowski peers out of the window of his unmarked Police car. He has been tracking Arnold since he left the hotel.
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: I tell you, Cobalt, I’m on to something here. Mr Big is out of town and already he’s muscling in on his girlfriend. Did you see what he did to that teenager? He fights ugly. He’s a piece of work. This guy Palmer thinks he’s a criminal hotshot, but we’ll show him.
DETECTIVE COBALT: What’s he doing now, counting his money?
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: No Cobalt, you’re not going to believe this. I don’t believe it. Now I’ve seen everything. He’s ironing his underpants. Tell me that I’m not the only man in this goddamn city that doesn’t iron his underpants?
DETECTIVE COBALT: Well.
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: Don’t tell me you iron your underpants as well. What way is society going?
Sitting in the back of the car is Detective Ludslow. He is about to take over the evening shift.
DETECTIVE LUDSLOW: Well, my wife prefers it that way. She doesn’t like any creases in anything.
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: Does she take photos of you in your underwear? What goddamn reason would anybody in their right mind have in order to feel the need to iron their goddamn underpants? What is the world coming to?
There is a brief pause in the conversation
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: He must know we’re watching him. This has to be a stunt. No self respecting criminal mastermind irons his own underwear.
DETECTIVE COBALT: Maybe he’s not the criminal mastermind you think he is
DETECTIVE LEGOWSKI: Despite, all the evidence against this guy, you still think he’s innocent. What was he doing at the scene of the crime where two mobsters were killed? What was he doing at Mr Big’s residence. What was he doing screwing around with Mr Big’s girlfriend? I told you about our lunch together. It was me and him eyeball to eyeball. I know a criminal when I see one Cobalt. Like I said this guy could be bigger than big. As sure as I’m the greatest detective since Sherlock Holmes, I’m going to catch this monster.
INT. ARNOLDS APARTMENT - NIGHT
By 10:30pm Arnold is about to collapse on his bed when Andrea appears.
ANDREA: Arnold, the clock is ticking. When are you going to start helping me?
ARNOLD: Can you please leave me alone for a minute?
ANDREA: I don’t want to be trapped inside this world forever Arnold and you are the only one who can help me.
ARNOLD: We’re going to have to work on our communication. Already my co-tenant thinks I’m schizophrenic and wondering who I’m talking to. Maybe we can use telepathy.
ANDREA: Arnold, get real. This isn’t a movie. This is real life. My life. I don’t want to spend eternity burning a ten thousand degrees Fahrenheit.
ARNOLD: Well, apart from needing a hand detective, what else have you found out?
ANDREA: I can’t do it on my own. I can’t seem to travel more than two hundred yards away from you. I can’t do very much investigating with those restrictions.
ARNOLD: Ok, Ok, if you let me get a good night’s rest, I will start to help you in the morning.