New Title

INT. LOCAL DINER - EVENING

ARIEL: I’m sorry to hear about the decision going against you Dieter. You’re the last person in the world who deserves that

DIETER: You’ve been avoiding me

ARIEL: Well it is all my fault really

DIETER: Nonsense Cobblefoot. Besides Holly left me and I’m desperate

ARIEL: Are you not worried about sentencing tomorrow?

DIETER: Well I’ve got Sylvester on my side. What could possibly go wrong?

ARIEL: You do realise Sylvester actually lost the case.

DIETER: I was trying to be optimistic

ARIEL: So what happened to Holly?

DIETER: She located a singer who could actually sing and disappeared off the face of the earth.

ARIEL: I’m sorry to hear that

DIETER: Well it had been coming. Sylvester divulged that she’d been with seven different musicians including a trumpet player in a brass band. He had a crooked nose and several warts on his chin. A total dark horse.

ARIEL: Well you’re no oil painting yourself.

HANK: Well at least his job is safe, whenever he gets out in about six years

DIETER: Thanks Hank. I am kinda holding out hope that they won’t throw the book at me.

ARIEL: I don’t know Dieter. Some women go for a guy with a record.

DIETER: Does that include you?

ARIEL: You haven’t even taken my order yet. Some waiter you are.

INT. COURTROOM - MORNING

JUDGE: In light of the evidence given in court and the representations of both sides, I have decided to impose a three month sentence. Mr Rosenwood you will be taken away to Farheit penitentiary immediately.

(before stamping his hammer against the block)

Sylvester turns to Dieter

SYLVESTER: I’m sorry Dieter I couldn’t have done more.

DIETER: You couldn’t have done any better. Besides, if one good thing has come out of this trial, it’s seeing you showing some heart.

SYLVESTER: Dieter you don’t know me well enough. The main reason I came back here was because I was let go. Your case was the only thing going for me.

DIETER: The old Sylvester would have been too proud to help me. Give yourself some credit. When next you see me, I’ll be a skinhead with multiple tattoos but you have a life to look forward to. Don’t waste it.

SYLVESTER: I may prove to be a lousy lawyer Dieter but I hope that one day I can be a spectacular friend.

Dieter is cuffed and escorted away by two officers

INT. THE LAUNDRETTE - MORNING

Ariel’s boss (Marge) enters the Launderette at 8am

MARGE: I have a new guy starting this morning. I hope you’ll show him the ropes. 

ARIEL: Do we really need the extra staff?

MARGE: I’m branching out. I’m opening another business across town, which means more responsibility for you. More hours and a higher rate of pay.

ARIEL: That’s great Marge. I could do with the extra money

MARGE: Oh here he is. Ariel this is Brad Stevenson

BRAD STEVENSON: Oh, we’ve met before. We went to the same high school for years

ARIEL: I don’t remember

MARGE: Well, I’ll leave you to it. Ariel will show you the ropes Brad

EXT. OUTSIDE LAUNDERETTE - 4PM

Ariel and Brad are finished their shift

BRAD STEVENSON: Say Ariel, would you like to grab a cup of coffee

ARIEL: Oh, I don’t know

BRAD STEVENSON: It’ll be just twenty minutes. It’s only 4pm. I could do with the company.

ARIEL: Oh, why not

INT. NEARBY CAFE - AFTERNOON

BRAD STEVENSON: So, tell me what happened the last five years?

ARIEL: It’s kind of a long and dull story. I got married and am hoping for the divorce to go through

BRAD STEVENSON: I flunked college. I repeated like twenty subjects so they kicked me out. For the last three months I didn’t have a job, so my girlfriend dumped me. I’m single just like you. Say would you like to hook up some time?

ARIEL: Well we work together. I don’t think that would be a good idea

BRAD STEVENSON:  We don’t have to talk about football all the time. We could talk about ice hockey, or basketball or soccer

ARIEL: That’s quite a range

BRAD STEVENSON: I know stuff about fishing too. My Dad thought me everything he knows. Then there’s stamp collecting. I have over five thousand stamps. I don’t get too drunk either. I mean ten pints is enough for me on any night out. I have my limits. I don’t lose my temper. The only complaint that my girlfriends make about me is that I’m boring, but that’s because they don’t get my interests. You get my interests Ariel don’t you?

ARIEL: Sure I do

BRAD STEVENSON:  So, what do you say? Would you like to go out some time?

ARIEL: I’m kind of holding out for someone.

BRAD STEVENSON: Well I know I’ve put on like five pounds and lost some hair, but this is the first time I’ve ever been turned down. It kind of sucks.

ARIEL:  I’m sure there’s a woman out there for you who likes stamp collecting and fishing and is kind of hot. There must be a club you can join. Say, whatever happened to Jasmine Breachwater

BRAD STEVENSON:  I heard she discovered ice cream and put on like fifty pounds.

ARIEL: That’s a pity

INT. DIETER’S HOME - MORNING

Ariel visits Dieter’s mother. Dieter's Aunt Trixie greets her at the door.

TRIXIE: Thin, 48, five feet seven inches tall, brown hair with flecks of grey, blue eyes, casually dressed

GERTRUDE ROSENWOOD: Thin, Dark hair with flecks of grey, 50 years old, wearing a red cardigan, white runners and blue jeans.

TRIXIE: You must be Dieter’s friend. I’m his aunt Trixie. Dieter told me you offered to help out whenever you can

ARIEL: It’s the least I can do

TRIXIE: Gertrude is a joy but seven days a week is a bit of a chore.

ARIEL:  I’m sure we’ll get on like a house on fire

TRIXIE: Let me introduce you

They walk into the bedroom where Dieter’s Mother is sitting on a chair

ARIEL: Hello Mrs Rosenwood

GERTRUDE: Who are you?

TRIXIE: This is Dieter’s friend Ariel

GERTRUDE: Who’s Dieter

TRIXIE: Your son

GERTRUDE: I have a son? How did that happen?

ARIEL: Let’s not go there

GERTRUDE: You’re quite pretty. I hope this guy Dieter treats you well. Where is he?

ARIEL: He’s away. He likes to travel

GERTRUDE: Well, why didn’t he take you with him. That’s a bit selfish isn’t it?

ARIEL: Well, we’re only friends

GERTRUDE: Like that is it? He must not be much of a looker. Where is my husband anyway? I must have a husband right?

EXT. OUSIDE THE STATE PRISON - MORNING

Months later Dieter is released from prison

After leaving the gates behind him, he sees Ariel standing across the street in front of a car

ARIEL: So how was prison?

DIETER: It was quite roomy. The food was so so but the sex wasn’t so good

ARIEL: My Divorce is final. I’m a free woman

DIETER: That makes two of us

ARIEL: I know a nice Diner where we could get something nice to eat and have a few beers.

Dieter and Ariel sit into the car.

DIETER: Well Cobblefoot, this could be the beginning of a beautiful romance.

The camera pans out

Ariel starts to drive the car, badly

DIETER: Maybe I should drive.

ARIEL: This could be the shortest romance in history.